A letter to my younger self

Dear me,

This is you speaking from the future, weird isn’t it? Don’t worry, only 5 years have gone by and you’re almost 19. But so much has happened these last years, all the things you still have to go through. And I wanted to give you a few spoilers of your life, just to get through some rough patches. I will tell you everything and nothing, you will figure them out once you get there.

You think nobody notices, you try to smile all day long, even though you’re so tired, because you have been crying yourself to sleep. But your friends know, even though they don’t say it to your face, they will help you once you tell them yourself.

Accept the food that they offer, because yes they also notice you haven’t been taking lunch to school, because you think starving yourself will make you lose weight.

Throw away that razor blade you hide in your makeup bag, self harming won’t solve anything, it may seem that way, but it won’t make you feel any better about yourself. Tell mom you selfharmed. Don’t roll your eyes right now, she will understand. Yes, she does keep telling you to lose weight, and it makes you angry and sad, but deep down she means well and she loves you very much.

Please stop worrying your pretty little head. Not everyone has to like you and you don’t have to please everybody. At this age everything seems so horrible around you, it is like the whole world is angry at you for no particular reason, please don’t listen to that little voice in your head telling you that. You are loved.

Crying once in a while is okay, the tears will sometimes keep rolling down your cheeks because you have been building up all these feelings and emotions, but don’t feel ashamed.

Don’t waste your time on that boy, the moment you see him you will be head over heels for him. But please try to get him out of your mind. He will get a girlfriend a few months after you meet him, she’s lovely, but so are you, so don’t compare yourself. Yes, I know that’s difficult for you, but stop comparing yourself to any pretty girl. Everyone is beautiful in their own unique way.

Shocking and maybe a bit depressing, but future you (that’s me) still doesn’t have a boyfriend or has even kissed. But that’s okay, everyone around you is getting boyfriends and girlfriends, be happy for them. Our time will come some day and we will be glad we waited. There’s no rush.

Go work at that ice-cream parlour across the street, maybe you never considered yourself working there, but you will love it. It seems a bit scary to get so much responsibility there, but it is because they trust you. Your neighbour will start working there as well and guess what, she is now one of your closest friends.

And look at this, we have a blog! After all those years of trying and forgetting, you finally did it. You will meet some lovely people, because of this blog and make new friends.

What I am trying to say, is that you will get through it, as long as you don’t push everyone away. Talk to your friends and family, hug them, love them, joke with them, and please get a good night sleep. We won’t have an easy time going through these years, but please never stop fighting, you are strong enough, just believe in it.

Love,

Future you.

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